I've not written a new entry in a few days because this diary seems to be bugged. I wrote a place filler as my first entry, and now unless you type in the entry url that's the only thing it shows, even though it's been deleted and my long entry is the only thing on the diary *sigh*.

Been having good days and bad days... I've installed WoW twice in the last week, although ofc without the patches it doesn't work.. and there have been a lot of patches. So I've not actually played WoW, but I want to.. badly. I keep thinking about my mage who I wanted to get to level 70.. my new priest who I wanted to get reverred with those last factions... writing it down makes it just sound so silly.. Does it really matter about a stupid little computer generated character?

I changed my MSN message that gets displayed to people on my contacts - "Every cloud has a silver lining - thankful for my new friends :)" because of course those new friends, my WoW friends understand what it is to spend time on this game, to invest a lot of your life in it. My mum asked me what I meant by that, so I told her. I feel closer to her, and I think she feels that too.

I've been thinking about my future a bit lately. Something I didn't really want to do while I was playing WoW. I mean, Jonathan and I are comfortable financially at the moment, even on just his salary, and what we want is to move to a bigger place, and rent out our flat as well. So while we would be able to easily afford to move if we sold this place, it's not really what we want to do. We're mortgage free at the moment, but we owe his parents money, so we're paying them back each month. So really, in order to move we need to get as much money as possible for a deposit, and possibly try and up our income.. and of course the only way that is very possible is for me to get a job. I don't want to go back to a nursery. My experiences in that last place... have put me off. I need a job where it starts when I step through the door, and most importantly, it ENDS when I step back out of the door.

I had a dream last night where I went back to the nursery I worked in before... and the person I disliked and who disliked me, my immediate manager who had a baby was back. The one who bullied me, and talked about me behind my back. I remember dreaming that I talked to her in private the day I went back.. telling her that if she ever treated me the way she did before again.. I would report her to the management, and I would quit.. because I didn't need this job. But urgh.. the thought of it still made my stomach churn.

I want a job I think I'll enjoy, one which will ensure that I have a definite work start and end, one that will give me some money to put towards our deposit... and what made me think of somewhere possible, was arranging some flowers Jonathan bought me in a vase. I'm not going to pretend I'm good at it... but I think I could be... and I think I'd enjoy working in a florist.

I talked to my Mum about what I was thinking. She used to work in a florist for many years when she first started working. She told me that she thought I'd enjoy it although the pay isn't great. But I don't really care about the pay, as long as it's above minimum wage, I don't really mind. She also said she'd give me some tips and help teach me about flower arranging. I think it would be great, and I think it is also getting her excited again, to think she is part of my future in some small way. I know that although she thinks she was never really cut out for being a Mum, me and my brother are everything to her, and she hates the fact that we don't live near her anymore. We talk most days on MSN but I think she still misses us both greatly.

I phoned the three florists that are in the town where I live. None of them have any vacancies at the moment. :( I texted Jonathan about that, and he replied that maybe I should look in Milton Keynes, where he works, then we could go into work together, and end work together. Maybe even go out for lunch at the same time. It's a good idea.. I'll have to look into that later.

I've also been listening to music a lot lately. I ripped all the CDs I had onto my computer, and listen to those. Strange how simple music can make you remember things that happened years ago as if it was just last week. When I was in my mid to late teens, I went through a 6 month depression, during this time I first came into contact with Jonathan. Also during this time I was with my ex-boyfriend. I listened to Savage Garden's Affirmation album lots then, and now when I listen to it, a couple of the songs on there still reach to me, making me remember my feelings back then. That time in my life has long since gone, but I think it's healthy to remember.. and this is of course, "real life". Right now, I think anything to do with life outside of a computer game is healthy, whether it's thinking about the past, or thinking about the future.

With this decision to stop playing WoW... while I didn't come to this decision alone, and while i do still want to play sometimes... I KNOW this decision is best, and that it will help me focus on my LIFE more, and I know that when things happen in my life that I have been dreaming of for years, I'll be the happiest I've ever been.

Right now, I am looking forward to the following:

- Getting a job in a florist.
- Looking around potential new houses.
- Finding the PERFECT one, moving in.
- Getting our current flat in a state to rent out - new windows, redecorating, stuff like that.
- Getting pregnant :) Being pregnant. :) Giving birth to Jonathan's child.
- Telling my family and my close friends that we are expecting :)
- The scary but exciting future of me and Jonathan as parents :)

P.S. Good news: Seems the bug has fixed itself (yay). I will be getting round to making a new look for this diary soon then, one that reflects the name.